In death, Cory Aquino lives as model for all widows

DEMOCRACY GUIDEPOSTS The Cory Aquino Memorial Shrine and the Ninoy Aquino Monument stand tall in the rain on Roxas Boulevard and Padre Burgos Drive in Manila. GRIG C. MONTEGRANDE

At the recent Ninth International Conference on Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society held in Miami, Florida, Dr. Harold Ivan Smith, a noted grief educator and one of the leading lights of thanatology (the study of death, dying and bereavement), presented the paper, “Lady in Yellow: Corazon Aquino as a Role Model for Widows.”

Being among the handful of Filipinos at the conference, my heart was filled with pride when I saw Smith’s presentation.

Smith spoke about terror management theory, which held that “the control of death-related anxiety is the primary function of society” and a significant motivation in human behavior.

He explained that following tragic or life-threatening experiences, individuals sometimes use faith and spirituality to defuse heightened death anxiety.

The late former President Cory Aquino, who died two years ago today (Monday), did just that. “She … manage(d) death anxiety in order to step forward and face challenges with no fear for her own life,” Smith said.

Returning to the Philippines from the United States 24 hours after her husband Benigno “Ninoy” Aquino Jr. was assassinated in 1983, Cory showed extraordinary strength and grace in dealing with the thousands who came to pay their last respects to the slain former senator and archcritic of the Marcos dictatorship.

At the time, he said, it was often asked: “How could she remain so calm?”

Quoting George Brazilier’s “Corazon Aquino: The Story of A Revolution,” Smith said he was struck by Cory’s pronouncements then that Ninoy “would have expected it (the assassination)” and that “when you cry, things do not get done.”

Dream of empty casket

Smith cited the role of faith and prayer in Cory’s resilience. “One cannot understand how she managed death anxiety without assessing the influence of her Catholic faith and spirituality.”

“Ms Aquino had a recurring dream in which she visited a church and found a casket at the altar. Expecting to find Ninoy’s body, instead she found an empty casket. Cory interpreted her dream to mean that Ninoy had been reborn and his mission was now hers,” he said.

Prayer was a huge part of Cory’s life and this became very evident from the moment she returned home, throughout the many crises of her presidency, until her last days, Smith noted.

“The world witnessed a courageous widow who took faith seriously, and prevailed as President,” he stressed, adding he admired how she balanced grief and death anxiety.

Cory, who died of colon cancer on Aug. 1, 2009, at the age of 76, truly lived her faith and in the process restored hope in a nation that had grown tired and restless from 20 years of corruption and oppression, he added.

She was so fearless, Smith said, that she was once quoted as saying: “If someone wishes to use a bazooka on me, it’s goodbye. If it’s my time to die, I’ll go.”

Borrowed narrative

Cory now “offers a potential borrowed narrative to widows who question their ability to survive,” the educator added.

They would need it to face many challenges, he said, from saving the family business, putting their children through school, or, as in Cory’s case, embarking on a tough quest for justice.

Clinicians can stimulate therapeutic conversations with their widowed clients by drawing lessons from her story, Smith said.

Both clinicians and their clients can ask themselves: How would Corazon Aquino react in their situation? What would she say to give them hope?

Professionals in this field also need to be aware that acts of terror, such as assassinations, have not only become part of the global political and economic landscape but also “a definitive element in an individual or family’s narrative,” Smith said.

He cited a 2009 study showing that 59 political leaders around the world had been killed out of the 298 assassination plots carried out since 1875.

Those who attend to the grieving would also need to explore the role of faith and spirituality in their work. “Given the impact of religion and spirituality on death anxiety, clinicians must respect (a person’s) spiritual experience.”

Back to shore

Smith quoted Cory as once saying in a 1986 campaign speech: “From Ninoy’s arrest and incarceration to his assassination, I was able to bear all the Lord’s heavy trials. If I had been less courageous, perhaps I wouldn’t be facing you now. I was able to face the trials of my life. I will be able to face the challenges of the presidency.”

In remembering the second anniversary of Cory’s passing today, we also remember her shining example of faith and resilience, not just as a widow but also as a cancer patient.

She herself said it best: “Sometimes life does not proceed as you expected it. You must deal with the circumstances you’re in.”

In a world fraught with tragedy and violence, we find inspiration in the words of Cory, whose faith and courage helped steer her ship and enabled her to sail through the roughest of seas, until she finally made it gracefully back to shore.