New moms face hard choice: Keep babies or have them adopted

ATTENTION-SEEKER Babies at the center crave cuddles. LYN RILLON

(Last of two parts)

Call it a crash course on motherhood.

At Grace To Be Born, a halfway house in Pampanga province for young mothers in crisis, a typical day starts with prayers, followed by household chores, Bible studies, film viewing sessions and seminars, said social worker Jinky Tubonglupa.

But learning about child care takes priority over all other activities. A quick visit to the center, however, shows the need for more lessons on bonding.

The babies at the nursery looked happy but were noticeably starved for attention. They greeted guests with smiles and raised arms — universal signs for a plea to be picked up and cuddled.

At 4 years old, “Jenny” is one of the oldest at the facility. She has been waiting for her adoptive parents to fetch her but discrepancies in her papers have delayed the process, making her anxious.

“Bakit wala pa pong sumusundo sa akin? (Why has nobody come for me yet?),” she would frequently ask the staff.

Tubonglupa said the center was looking for people who wanted to adopt kids as well as volunteer foster parents.

Goodbye to the past

At Grace To Be Born, mothers who give up their babies for adoption leave their sad past behind as well. There will be no mention of their children being born out of rape and incest as the adoption papers are being processed.

As of March this year, 15 babies are up for adoption at the center which provides their needs—from infant formula to air-conditioned room, cribs, vitamins, food and clothes.

“But they lack the physical stimulation, touch and cuddling that other babies get when they are with their mothers. The babies here are not breastfed [because their] mothers left them,” Tubonglupa said.

The center depends on donations for its needs and donors last year included Words Anonymous and Creative Tree Foundation that held a poetry reading workshop with the mothers.

No judgment

According to Ester Vicencio, the executive director, Grace To Be Born goes out of its way to promote the message that there is an institution that caters to pregnant women in crisis. Instead of just waiting for clients, they visit shelters and agencies that might need their service.

“We are here to accept you; no questions asked,” she said.

Ideally, the young mothers are allowed to stay only for a few months at the center but most of them have been abandoned by their families.

“We call up the family but the relatives would say they have no plans of taking the mothers back. They would ask us instead to put the mothers under our care.… That’s one of the disheartening remarks we would get from the family,” Vicencio said. “Sometimes, we go to them and plead that they visit the newborn baby.”

Last January, “Rhea” gave birth to Mark Joshua, the names of two biblical characters who, according to her, were called and chosen by God.

She then asked for a sign whether she should give up her baby for adoption.

In a dream, she saw herself carrying her baby while dressed in a school uniform.

“God gave me a sign. I will raise my child well. I will focus my attention on him and someday, I will finish school,” said Rhea, who hopes to be a computer engineer.

Support from family

Rhea said she drew strength from her mother whom she realized loves her a lot. Through her painful experience, she learned to value her family.

“I always pray that my decisions will turn out right. If I failed and stumbled before, I now want to move forward. It’s not easy to be a mother but they told me I am not alone,” Rhea added.

“Micah,” on the other hand, has decided to leave her baby, Harry, who was sired by her father, at the center.

“I cannot bring him up. I do not want him to be bullied because our neighbors know what happened. My father has not yet surrendered either. I’m just praying that Harry will be in good hands,” she said.