Child discipline tackled in Cebu City read-along

CEBU CITY—If you must punish your children, spank them with love and care.

This has been the philosophy of Amalia Fuentes (not the actress), 40, in raising her three daughters for the past 13 years as a single mother.

“Your children won’t get anything if you spank them too hard. It is better that you talk to them, discuss issues with them. But if you can’t stop the spanking, be sure to spank softly. Spank them with love and care,” Fuentes, who works as a housekeeper in a condominium building, said in Cebuano.

At the same time, she said the children should also respect their parents and say sorry whenever they commit mistakes.

Fuentes shared the pieces of advice to fellow parents in a special read-along session organized by the Inquirer and Plan International on Dec. 10 in Barangay Basak, San Nicolas in Cebu City.

The session emphasized the need for positive and nonviolent ways of disciplining children.

Positive discipline

Fuentes has undergone training on positive discipline of children supported by Plan International, European Union and

Lihok Pilipina.

She shared the stage with talk show host and Plan ambassador Boy Abunda, who read the “Story of Mimi” to 72 children from Basak Community School and Salvatorian Pastoral Care Center.

The story was about a beautiful goat named Mimi who did not return to their shed one afternoon for fear of getting spanked. But the goat ended up being captured by a farmer who wanted to cook “kalderetang kambing.”

The farmer’s daughter, however, saved Mimi. The goat was able to go home and was spanked by their keeper, Mang Ipe. But Mimi did not mind as she was happy to be reunited with her family.

Children had mixed reactions when Abunda asked if it was appropriate for parents to spank them. Most said spanking was not wrong as long as it didn’t cause serious injury.

“I get spanked, but it does not mean that Mama is bad. She spanks me because sometimes I don’t listen to her. But she doesn’t spank me to the point that I get bruises or cannot stand up,” said 8-year-old Elias Mojado.

‘I love you’

Abunda said it was important for parents to listen to their children. But the children should also tell their parents what they feel, he added.

He stressed the importance of saying “I love you” as a healthy way of promoting love in the family.

“Say I love you now. Say I love you today. Don’t forget this because tomorrow is never promised. Say it now because you may not say it again tomorrow,” he told the parents and children.

According to the primer on the proposed Anti-Corporal Punishment Act published in 2010, physical punishment is ineffective in disciplining children of all ages. Physical or corporal punishment include spanking, pinching, hitting with an object, twisting the child’s ear, pulling the hair, slapping the face or head and confinement in a sack.

“Physical punishment produces anger, resentment toward the perpetrator, and low self-esteem among children. It also teaches children that violence is an acceptable behavior and solution to problems; thus, corporal punishment perpetuates itself as children imitate actions of adults,” the primer said.

Right to speak up

The publication was developed by the Philippine Legislators’ Committee on Population and Development Foundation, Plan International for the Child Rights network and ChildFund Philippines.

Abunda said educating the young about their right to speak up is crucial in developing a society that listens to the voices of every member.

“Gone are the days that children’s voices are not heard. This (read-along) experience validates the truth that children should be active participants on how their lives should be run,” Abunda said.