Ironman vs. Ultrarunner
My friends from Sugbutriathlon like Anton Regis and Ralph Arche and Team Reborn’s Dr. Raymund Bontol and the now pregnant champion triathlete Lorhiz Echavez-Lopez are beside themselves with joy as the 2012 Cobra Ironman 70.3 is now much closer to home.
If next year’s staging of the Ironman 70.3 Philippines, which will be held in Lapu-Lapu City and parts of the cities of Mandaue and Cebu (for the bike leg), becomes a resounding success, then it might stay for two years more. This means non-triathletes like me, will have more time to learn to ride the bike, do brick trainings and aim for our first Ironman finisher’s medal.
This excitement over the Ironman reminds me of the long-running debate of who is the stronger athlete – the Ironman or the Ultrarunner? If you frequent the forums on the net, you’ll find that the argument between the two sides can get so rabid.
A pointless debate I must say since Ironman and Ultrarunning are so different it would be like comparing apples and oranges. The forum in Trifuel.com makes a listing of how one is so different from the other.
TRIATHLON:
Called a “race”/ Age groupers are highly competitive with each other/ An individual sport/ Use of heart rate monitors /Speed is the key/The food is engineered. /Shaving is encouraged. /Your bike’s tires may explode /You pay big bucks for a name (i.e. “Ironman”) /Nothing compares to the physique of a fit triathlete /You ride a bike for half the race /Portions of the race may be called off for weather /The gear is outrageously expensive /It only takes 6-7 hours to ride 112 miles
Walking is frowned upon /You try to look your best (Running skirts look very cute!) /The highs are very high and the lows are moderate/ The cutoff is before night falls /The finish-line grandstands cheer as the announcer calls your name while “Celebrate good times (come, on!)” plays in the background /The finish chute is a rock concert with laser light shows, an Emcee, and fog machines.
You get an Ironman t-shirt if you finish.
ULTRAMARATHON:
Called and endurance “run”/Athletes are there for the experience /A team of runner, crew and trail partners /What’s a heart rate monitor??? /You can run 18 min/miles and finish before the cutoff /Your blisters may explode! /The food is “real” (egg, brownies, cookies, breakfast tacos, casseroles). /Shaving is not the norm. /You pay a few bucks to inflict hours of torture on yourself /“Stored energy” is treasured
You are on your feet the entire race (unless you crawl!)
The run goes on through sun, heat, humidity, lightning, downpours, snow and hail /The gear is focused on having the right pair(s) of shoes
It takes up to 30 hours to run 100 miles /Walking is a must /You look like a homeless person: dirty, /Stinky and disheveled /The highs are moderate and the lows are rock bottom /The fun begins when night falls /The finish-line is a quiet end to a personal journey /The finish ‘chute’ is likely to be a relatively deserted, remote high school track with just a few dozen people just before the cut-off. /You may get a huge belt buckle if you finish.
For fun, there’s also the parody of the debate between the Ultrarunner vs. Ironman created by jamesrichardadams80 on Youtube. Here are some of the excerpts:
IM: Hello Ultrarunner. UR: Hello Ironman. UR: Why are you wearing that ridiculous unitard? IM: It is not a unitard, it is a tri-suit. It allows me to complete all three disciplines of triathlon without need for temporary nudity. UR: Well, it looks like a unitard, and I can practically see your penis anyway. IM: Well, you look like a retard. What are you wearing? UR: I am an ultra runner all of my clothes come from TK Max. This suit zips off into shorts and T-shirt with enough storage space for three flap jacks. IM: Anyway is ultra running just for fat people who just can’t run fast but have a very high tolerance for boredom? UR: Perhaps you are right about the boredom. I am still listening to you. I run ultra marathons because they are incredibly hard and rewarding, and I like to s__t outdoors. IM: Well, Ironman is much harder than an ultra marathon.
UR: How do work that one out? The finish rate for an Ironman is close to 100%, many ultramarathons have finish rates of less than 50%.
IM: An Ironman is harder because it is more difficult to make it to the start line. You need years of training in three different sports just to make it to the start. UR: Ironman is harder to start because you need to be earning six figures just to be able to afford a stupid bike that weighs the same as my breakfast. I would prefer to not pay much, so that when I have finished my long run I can go straight to the pub. IM: What’s a pub? Anyway, it is not my fault that you did not do well in school and are now poor and cannot afford to compete in triathlons. I have wanted to be a triathlete since I was five. I spent years watching videos following the best cyclists in the world. UR: You spent your childhood looking at men’s backsides? Your girlfriend must be so proud. IM: What’s a girlfriend? What is that smell?
UR: That is the wonderful aroma of an ultrarunner. I ran 42 miles in the middle of nowhere and am now on the train on the way back home. I would normally use two wet wipes to wash myself down but I used them out when I defecated in the canal. IM: You are truly revolting. Why don’t you have a shower? UR: What’s a shower? IM: I shower and shave my legs everyday to minimize the amount of drag I cause while cycling and swimming.
UR: When you have done an ironman, what do you do next? IM: I seek to find an even flatter, a more expensive ironman than before. I also get a tattoo of the Ironman on my thigh so I can remind myself with every pedal how awesome I am. UR: That sounds stupid. Why don’t you do something harder or longer? IM: Because the progress I would have made cannot be recorded in graph format. I have a collection of over 2000 graphs showing my training progress through the years. UR: Something to show the grand kids eh? IM: I will not have any grand kids. My sperm count is lower than my resting heart rate. Anyway, ultrarunners just don’t have the balls to get into the water. UR: I get wetter in some ultramarathons than you do in the swimsuits you encase yourself in the open. Anyway, I don’t have any balls. I cut them off because they were slowing me down running uphill.
It is so hilarious, but in the end everyone should realize that while both triathletes and ultrarunners may have a long list of differences, their dedication and passion for their respective sports are so much alike. Wouldn’t it be better if we celebrate the similarities instead of dwelling on the differences?
