Parents, advocates call for end to stigma vs adopted kids

For so long, the public’s prejudiced perception has tainted the concept of adoption.

Misconceptions and myths surrounding the matter mostly made adoptive children feel embarrassed for the sole reason that they are not related to their parents by blood.

Thus, at the 2018 Adoption Consciousness celebration in Pasay City on February 10, hundreds of adoptive families, legal adoption supporters, and advocates gathered to strengthen their ongoing fight against the stigma hounding adopted children.

Adoptive families, legal adoption supporters, and advocates come together for the “Walk for Legal Adoption” parade at the SM By the Bay, Mall of Asia Complex in Pasay City on February 10, 2018, as part of the 2018 Adoption Consciousness celebration. (INQUIRER.net/Julius Leonen)

In the event, adoptive parents, adopted children as well as an incumbent senator – herself an adopted child of famed Filipino celebrity parents – shared their insights on how to eliminate the shame.

Be open about adoption

For 14-year-old Nathan Pante, being open and vocal about being an adopted child allows him to make his peers realize that there is nothing to be ashamed about being an adopted son.

A newborn-Nathan was left by his mother at a religious home run by nuns.

“Some of my friends think that adoption is luck, but (at the same time) can actually bring people down because you’re not really related to your family members,” Nathan told the audience.

“I’m just telling them, “Don’t worry, they took care of you. you don’t have to make a big argument about it. It’s not a bad thing. Adoption is very beautiful,” he said.

According to Nathan, his relationship to his adoptive parents go beyond blood.

“Every time I think of adoption as a bad way when I was younger, I always put… in my head that people will always love me. My parents gave me this life, and I’m very thankful,” he said.

“It’s so wonderful (when a) person says, ‘I should adopt this child because I care for that child, I want his or her future to be brighter than ever’,” he also said.

All in the mind

For Edmund and Ofelia Macaso, adoptive parents to their child Cheska, the stigma is in the mind of the parents themselves, not the children.

“We carry that stigma in our minds. We’re very careful about the ‘A’ word, which is a sensitive issue. (But we remain) as normal about it as we can, there’s nothing wrong being an adoptive child,” Edmund said in a press conference of the event.

At times, Ofelia said, guests would come over and they would be overheard whispering about how their daughter was adopted. She said that this would only make the child feel that it was something to be ashamed about.

“We should tell (our) daughter her adoption story even if she doesn’t understand it yet. To repeat the same story so it’s part of her history, and we would even re-enact it,” Ofelia noted.

“If time comes that she would be teased at school, I expect the teacher would stand up for my child,” she also said.

Lawyer Bernadette Abejo, executive director of the Inter-Country Adoption Board, took the occasion to remind parents to tell their adopted children from the very start that they were adopted “because it will build their confidence.”

“They will not be caught unaware, and they will be proud to know that they were chosen to be loved. They (would not think), you got pregnant and you love your kid. (We want them to think), you were chosen, you were special, you’re adopted, so you’re special,” she said.

Adoptive families, legal adoption supporters, and advocates come together for the “Walk for Legal Adoption” parade at the SM By the Bay, Mall of Asia Complex in Pasay City on February 10, 2018, as part of the 2018 Adoption Consciousness celebration. (INQUIRER.net/Julius Leonen)

Portrayal in the media 

Abejo also pointed out that among the factors causing the stigma was the portrayal of adoption in the media, particularly telenovelas.

“Part of the adoption consciousness programs was to stop these writers from using these children,” Abejo said. “We’ve had a forum, and we invited scriptwriters of dramas.”

Abejo lamented how parents in telenovelas would shout “Ampon ka lang!” at their adopted children in the television series.

Abejo said that scriptwriters who attended the forum were asked to realize that adopted children are “good kids,” and that “adoption is normal.”

Changing the world for adopted children

Senator Grace Poe, an adopted daughter of Philippine cinema’s Action King, the late Fernando Poe Jr., and veteran actress Susan Roces, hailed adoptive parents for changing the lives of children who were not able to grow and live with their biological parents.

“As they say, adopting one will not change the world, but it will certainly change the world for that child,” Poe said as she sat beside adoptive parents, adopted children, and Social Welfare and Development officials.

“Because you’ve grown to love that person, there is something imparted because of your togetherness; it’s not just something biological. For me, for the parents who are here, you all indeed have been the key that brought change into our lives,” Poe added.   /kga