An antisuicide assignment

Nonteachers seem to have a hard time understanding that sensation teachers call the “satisfaction of teaching.”

It is this often vague reason that makes teachers love what they do, despite obstacles like salary, stress-induced burnouts and breakdowns.

To quote a coteacher: “Anong magagawa ko? Mahal ko ang pagtuturo, e.” (What can I do? I love teaching.)

This works the other way around, too. One of the greatest joys of teaching is to look at your students’ work and see how much insight and creativity they can express with just a nudge or two in the right direction.

So much, in fact, that it surprises even you, who think you already know how your students tick.

A recent activity I gave my first year high school class lifted me from a recent bout with the blues. The assignment arose from a discussion of a Manuel Arguilla story, “The Long Vacation.”

On the surface, the story was just a formal conversation between a boss and an employee. But it hinted at the employee’s desire to commit suicide, embedded in the subtle tension present in almost every Arguilla work.

The task I gave them seemed simple enough: “Write yourself an ‘antisuicide note.’”

I came up with the term as a counterpoint to the traditional “suicide note” that people wanting to end it all, write, revealing everything they hate in their lives, with all literary gusto.

Their goal was to convince their pretend-suicidal selves that, even at its most stressful, life was worth seeing all the way through.

The following are excerpts, slightly edited, from the students’ journals:

— The sun’s still rising, the plants growing, flowers blooming, birds chirping, animals living, people living. How can you not be happy?

— It is said in the Ten Commandments: Thou shall not kill… yourself!

— [Don’t kill yourself:] Your parents might think of suicide, too!

— From me to me: We love each other so much, right?

— If I have a good life then I must do something productive with myself.

— You have tons of things to accomplish, you have to finish them all and learn new things from this.

— You could be happy even when you are sad.

— Suicide isn’t a solution. That’s all.

— So please don’t die now. You have a life to live for.

–You just have to take a leap of faith and trust that you’ll land on both feet.

— On some occasions I even think of just ending it all. But a lot of memories are holding me back from doing so.

— Don’t kill me. I’m too awesome to die.

— If you kill yourself, your loved ones’ lives will be destroyed and you will make them sad.

— If you go, how empty the universe will be / How dark the sky will be, without you shining brightly / If you go, how cold the nights will be / Without your heart’s warmth around me

— Suicide is not the solution, it is not the key to close the door to your problems.

— Killing yourself will make you look like a coward.

— Take a look at the world you’ll leave, and then decide again…

— Why kill yourself if you haven’t really lived?

It’s amazing, the things young people can write to motivate themselves. Leave it to them to teach jaded souls how to embrace life.

The author, 24, is an English teacher at HEDCen, a progressive learning center in Beverly Hills Subdivision, Antipolo.