Counseling sessions make Muslim couples see change

ISULAN, Sultan Kudarat—Twelve years and three children into the union, Aphramin and Thong Umal decided to pursue their marriage vows, which they consider a work in progress.

The couple, both 35, signed up for a marital psychotherapy session designed by the local government. They hoped that the daylong course would help them reconcile their different backgrounds and manage the conflicts that destroy most Muslim marriages.

Aphramin lives in the midst of a grappling issue of divorce among Muslim couples, the conservative culture against contraception, and teenage marriages. She hopes that their fast-growing children would delay marriage plans until they graduate in college and get a job, unlike her and her partner who shared “I do’s” young and short of wisdom in running a family.

“They are looking at us as their model so it’s a shared responsibility to work our marriage at best. So in every marriage out there, this is mandatory,” Aphramin says.

Thong, the oldest of six siblings raised by an aunt, vaguely recalls his father who left them when he was 12. He had not much memory of him or the ways he cared for them. His mother also left and passed her obligations to an aunt.

Aphramin lost her father to an illness that put the family deep into poverty. Thankfully, her mother raised her well, she says.

Sex talk

While Christians attend a premarital counseling session called Pre-Cana in the Catholic Church, conventional Muslims shrug off the thought since sex is a hot topic there. Sex is a word so taboo for many, but it is no longer so for a growing number of Islam faithful who are flocking to marriage counselors before and after their wedding.

A local ordinance requires Muslim couples to seek marriage counseling so they can hopefully enhance their knowledge about relationships, maternal and child health care, birth spacing, responsible parenthood and home management to ensure quality of family lifey. Muslim couples who get married without undergoing pre-marriage counseling will not be registered at the Shari’ah Circuit Court.

But the ordinance also imposes on couples who have not gone through counseling but wanted to register their marriages only upon completion of requirements.

In a room at the municipal hall of Isulan town in Sultan Kudarat, couples like the Umals spend a day opening up on such issues as budgeting, communication, household chores and family planning methods. The session typically offered as a sort of educational class is steered by Shari’ah court-accredited Muslim religious leaders who issue counseling certificates.

Of the P1,500 fee, P200 goes to the court registration, P200 for the materials and P1,100 for the counseling.

“We agreed to engage in the counseling to get a head start on preventing potential major problems and to strengthen our relationship. Now we are enjoying the results,” Aphramin shares.

Household roles

Both agree that the marriage counseling has helped them resolve touchy issues, including who does what in home chores.

Thong, a tricycle driver who earns a little over a hundred pesos a day, has grown closer to the children from his previous role of just keeping three full meals for the family. He helps Aphramin in cooking, doing the laundry and other chores.

“He understands me now better. When he sees me tired, he is my extra hands. He has become expressive of his love and care to the entire family,” the blushing Aphramin reveals.