Deadly turn for domestic violence

HER  friends and neighbors knew her husband would physically harm her, but Melinda Ponce just told them: “Kaya ra ni nako (I can handle this).”

The 53-year-old woman would run every day from barangay  Tabunok in Talisay City to AsiaTown IT Park in barangay Lahug in Cebu City—a distance of about 10 kilometers— to escape a stressful life at home.

On Oct. 16, the domestic violence reached its climax.

Melinda had just come home from a “fun run” organized by Banco de Oro, where she worked as assistant branch manager in barangay Taboan, when she had a heated argument with Emmanuel. This time, it took a deadly turn.

Her 55-year-old husband shot her, three of their children—Elaine Grace, 26; Heather Joy, 24; son Emlin Bridge, 18—and their maid, Anastacia Deriega, 34, before committing suicide inside their home in Palm View Village, Tabunok, at about 8 a.m.

Only their youngest daughter, Embrelaince Therjoy, 13, survived after Emmanuel told her to leave the house because he was going to kill everyone, including himself.

Even before the teenager could go out, she saw the bodies of two women in the living room while her father was pointing a gun at her brother who was kneeling on the floor.

History of beatings

A family friend, Yolanda Daan, said Melinda would confide to her about how Emmanuel beat her.

In some instances, their quarrels were so bad that Emmanuel at one point poked a knife at Melinda, forcing their children to defend her, she said.

“Melinda was open about her problems at home. Her close friends at the gym knew about it.

“But she would always say, ‘Kaya ra ni nako,’” recalled Fe Ocio, her close friend and gym buddy at Fitness First Cebu.

“She always seemed so strong. She never asked for help. Never,” said Helen Palma, one of her running pals.

While her friends knew about the abuses, no one told the authorities about these or counseled Melinda to seek relief from the barangay or the courts.

“It was hard for us, …we felt that we had to respect Melinda’s privacy and personal boundaries. But looking back now, we should have been more vigilant as friends and brought Melinda and her husband to a marriage counselor at least,” Palma said.

Top runner

For besting runners more than half her age, Melinda was admired and respected in Cebu’s close-knit running community.

She started running at 48 after a full hysterectomy and five years later, she was among the top 10 finishers in middle-distance events.

She was the fastest woman in the Warrior 53K on Mactan Island on September 10 and the Summit 60K Ultra Challenge in Talisay City on October 9, a week before she died.

Melinda’s friends were baffled over  how an empowered woman and champion ultra-marathoner could put up with years of domestic violence and abuse.

Aleli Villaber, a community organizer for the Lihok Filipina Foundation’s “Bantay Banay,” said Melinda’s case was not uncommon.

“She may have been an educated and empowered woman, but she may not have known how to go about putting an end to the violence at home. Her fatal mistake might have been in underestimating her husband’s capacity to inflict harm,” she said.

Villaber, who has been working with battered women at the Bantay Banay Center for over 10 years, warned that domestic violence could happen to anyone.

“Women should learn to assert themselves and not let even the slightest incident of abuse pass,” she said.

“Even if they’re not ready to go to court, they should at least document the incidents of abuse by reporting it to the barangay, the PNP women’s desk or at the Pink Room of Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Center so that when they need to ask for the court’s intervention, they would be ready with evidence,” she added.

Judge Olegario Sarmiento, who handles the family court, lamented the prevailing notion that domestic violence is a private family matter.

“Domestic violence should be the concern of the entire community,” he said.

Sarmiento urged neighbors, friends and relatives of victims of domestic violence to “help prevent domestic quarrels from escalating (into parricide) by reporting to the police women’s desk or having the incidents recorded in the barangay or police blotter,” he said.

The Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children Act of 2004 allows third persons to petition for the issuance of a Temporary Protection Order (TPO) before the barangay or family court when the victim is unable to file a complaint herself or is unwilling to go to court and seek relief.

The TPO may be issued by the barangay, effective for 15 days, or the court, effective for 30 days and renewable.

It may direct the abusive partner to leave the conjugal dwelling regardless of ownership and prohibiting the abuser from going near the victim and her children.

Applications for TPO involving physical abuse or violence are often urgent, Sarmiento said.

The TPO may be issued without hearing and without notifying the respondent in order to save the life of the victim.

To family court judges like Sarmiento, barangay records are important because neighbors, tanods and barangay officials are supposed to know the parties involved.

“Barangay and police records and the medical examination reports and psychological reports submitted by the petitioner can be very persuasive in establishing the repeated pattern of abuse which will eventually lead to the issuance of a permanent protection order,” Sarmiento said.

Melinda will be buried with Emmanuel in her hometown in Sorsogon province upon the request of Embrelaince.

“My heart bleeds, but the sooner we start the healing, the better. We lost Melinda and three of our ‘pamangkin.’ We don’t want to lose Embrelaince too,” said Melinda’s younger sister, Bella Dio Lumagod.

To honor Melinda and celebrate her legacy, runners from Cebu and Manila will hold separate “tribute runs” today, Sunday.

The Cebu leg will be at 5 a.m. at The Terraces in Ayala Center Cebu and at 8:30 a.m. at Bonifacio Global City in Manila.

Proceeds will be given to the families of Melinda and Deriega and to a group working to help victims of domestic abuse. Inquirer