Discipline and mental health

OUR discipline and behavior impact our mental health. Just like getting used to not eating what is healthy for our body, or to not heeding our parents’ sage advice, our mind could also be auto-programmed by chronic exposure to bad environment to accept undisciplined and anti-social behaviors as a norm. This screws up our mental health.

It is a sad common observation that many of us Filipinos, including those abroad, have developed that inconsiderate and embarrassing habit of not waiting for his/her turn and going ahead of the cue, notwithstanding the people ahead of them who patiently lined up early and waiting for their proper turn. Fortunately for our image as gentle, kind, and friendly Filipinos, this disgusting lack of culture, sensitivity, and a sense of right and wrong are exhibited by only a tiny minority.

But as reputation goes, one single person can ruin the image of a gang, an organization, an entire ethnic group, a community, or even of an entire country and its people. This could result in stereo-typing or branding of a people and the stigma could persist, no matter how inaccurate or unjustified the generalization is, and last for a generation or more.

To obtain another perspective, I asked my good friend, Tom, who lives in Virginia (a colleague I admire and respect) to share with me for this column his own perception, experiences, and observations. He sent me the following list of “tendencies” among some of our fellow Filipinos at home or abroad:

1. Tendency to be habitually tardy (a sign of thoughtlessness and disrespect for other people).

2. Tendency to be boastful or to be a show-off

3. Tendency to hoard food at parties (we’ve had guests who packed food items to bring home even before they started eating)

4. Tendency to break laws or be undisciplined (jaywalking, urinating anywhere)

5. Tendency to buy things they cannot afford

6. Tendency to have a crab mentality

7. Tendency to be ungrateful or thoughtless or inconsiderate

8. Tendency to bring more relatives and friends to parties to which only they are invited (e.g. weddings, anniversaries)

9. Tendency to look down upon others of different races or color, or religion

10. Tendency to be thin-skinned and hold grudges

11. Tendency to be lazy (the Juan Tamad syndrome)

12. Tendency to SNIFF food at parties, a breach in dining etiquette

13.  Tendency to be swayed or influenced by materialism (like being bribed by politicians to “buy” their vote)

14. Tendency to gossip and backbite

I have talked to other Filipinos and foreigners

exposed to Filipinos, and both have about the same observation/perception.

As I stated earlier, fortunately, not all Filipinos have these “tendencies” or are undisciplined and inconsiderate. As a matter of fact, most Filipinos are appalled by them.

A few years ago, there was a well-dressed and well-groomed lady, perhaps in her 50s, behind me at the buffet table at Majestic Restaurant at the Cebu convention center. As always, I pick up the food items I want in a jiffy, considering there are people following me. As I was putting a piece of steamed fish on my plate, she went around and ahead of me, obviously not a fish-lover. She couldn’t wait for 5 seconds. No “excuse me, I am famish,” or “sorry, I am late for my appointment.” And she did the same to a couple of other people.

Last Valentine’s Day, I was to fly from Manila, where my health book was launched, to Cebu for the second launching during the Rotary Club convention at the Waterfront Hotel on the 15th. At the security entry point, there were five other people behind me as I placed my carry-on computer bag on the scanner conveyor belt, when suddenly a man threw his backpack on the belt and rushed in front of me, without saying a word.

When the plane got to Mactan Airport and the announcement was made saying “the passenger may now disembark,” a woman from behind started overtaking about 3 rows of seats to get to the door. What a nerve!

Why didn’t she ask for a seat up front? Why did she think she had the right to get ahead of the others, without even a word of excuse, alibi, or apology?

The other day, my CRV was behind a car on Escario, when its drive through three pieces of thrash out of his window. I was very tempted to get out of my car, pick up the thrash, and give it back to the driver and say “Sir, you dropped something.” Littering is a public disgrace, besides breaking the law. Don’t we have enough floods from blocked drains?

When it comes to the topic of discipline and order, consideration for others, knowing the difference between right and wrong, I truly believe that the lessons on these subjects and on how to “love thy neighbor as you love yourself,” were all taught in the kindergarten.” It is perhaps possible that some of us did not go through the kindergarten, or were given an “F” and did not pass this very important course in life.

The words of wisdom from the “mouth of babes” clearly reveal their knowledge of what is proper and what is not, what is good and what is bad, why we must form a line and follow the cue, “first come, first served,” when to say “excuse me,” “sorry,” and “thank you,” and above all, and why we must be nice to one another and why not to cheat.

Somehow, some of us seemingly have forgotten these wonderful teachings and principles from the kindergarten. Or, perhaps, we have unwittingly allowed ill manners and bad social behaviors to rule and take over our mindset, impairing our mental health and judgment.

If only to protect our personal image and that of our fellow Filipinos and of our country as a whole, we must always project our best wherever we are. We, Filipinos, must never allow ourselves to be inferior to anyone, to any race. As a gentle and kind people, who have the brain to excel in any field of endeavor and the potential to be one of the greatest races on earth, we must never settle for anything else, even in social behavior and etiquette.

The only thing we have to do is to go back to our kindergarten year and recall all the wonderful lessons we have learned then and apply them to our daily life in our social interaction with our fellowmen.

Of course, our corrupt politicians are a different breed. They are so evil they are hopeless and not

salvageable anymore. Besides, I suspect only a handful of our politicians went through the kindergarten.

If the whole of mankind would only follow in earnest what we were taught in the kindergarten, there would not be any Israeli-Palestinian conflict or any war in Afghanistan, civil unrest in Syria, or own Muslim war in the south. Unrealistic over-simplification? Perhaps.

Having said all that, I am not apologizing for my mental health and for being a crazy optimist and a tireless dreamer. After all, I love my fellow Filipinos, my country of birth, and the planet I call home.

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