Comelec hears out ‘Kris hubby,’ 25 other oddballs

“Aren’t you happy with Senator Lapid?”

Commission on Elections Chairman Sixto Brillantes Jr. asked this on Thursday while humoring one of 26 Senate hopefuls grilled by the Comelec en banc to determine if they were nuisance candidates or not.

From a self-proclaimed husband of popular TV host Kris Aquino to a war veteran’s son who said he e-mailed US President Barack Obama to ask him to annex the Philippines, the would-be candidates each had their six minutes of fame before TV cameras as they presented their views and platforms before poll officials.

After nearly five hours of grilling, Brillantes said the election body might consider only one of them as a possible candidate in next year’s polls—businessman and former government official Richard Penson, who said he was a friend of President Aquino.

“At least, it’s over. We’ll issue our resolution next week,” Brillantes said after the hearing at the Comelec main session hall.

“We had to hear them and give them due process. You just can’t say no to them. Under the Omnibus Election Code, we have to hear them out,” he said when asked how it felt going through the whole experience.

‘Why not try us?’

Brillantes and Commissioners Rene Sarmiento, Grace Padaca, Lucenito Tagle and Armando Velasco patiently posed questions to the hopefuls during the marathon hearing.

Seventeen aspirants out of a total of 43 that were scheduled to appear Thursday failed to show up. Brillantes said the aspirants would be considered nuisance candidates—and, therefore, eliminated—unless they could convincingly explain their absence.

Brillantes repeatedly asked the aspirants if they were happy with the performance of the Senate.

“Aren’t you happy with Senator (Lito) Lapid?” Brillantes asked aspirant Elizabeth Capular, a nurse.

Capular said she was satisfied with Lapid but added: “Let new ones participate. Why not try us?”

Apology to Portugal

Among those who showed up was Orlando Suerte, who said he was an employee of the Land Transportation Office conducting seminars for future drivers.

“We should write a letter of apology to the people of Portugal for the death of Magellan,” Suerte said—referring to the 16th-century Portuguese explorer—when asked about his platform.

He also wanted to change the date of Philippine Independence Day and change the Spanish-sounding surnames of Filipinos, which have “negative meanings.”

“Surnames like Estupido or Microbio. Generations of Filipinos shouldn’t suffer under those surnames,” said Suerte, whose name means “lucky” in Spanish.

Brillantes joked: “Maybe you also want to ban ‘Malas (unlucky)’ or change these surnames to Filipino, like Puno (tree) … or Sanga (branch), Ugat (root), or Dahon (leaf).”

White House link

Retiree Eduardo Fernandez all but went down on his knees to beg the Comelec to allow him to run for the Senate.

“I have an online (connection) to the White House. I’ve e-mailed President Obama to ask that we become a US state, like Hawaii or (the US territory) Puerto Rico,” Fernandez said.

Brillantes replied: “I’d pity President Obama if we become a state. We’re too many.”

But Fernandez said he wanted his grandchildren to have a better life, adding the Philippines was going nowhere because of graft and corruption.

“If I have to kneel, I would, just so I can push for our US statehood … Thank you, Your Excellency,” he said.

Going back home

Brillantes corrected him and said Comelec commissioners preferred to be addressed “Your Honor” rather than “Your Excellency” because “the number of Presidents here might suddenly increase.”

“But that’s just right for you because your hair is so white,” Fernandez said and, eliciting laughter, added unexplainably: “Kami papunta pa lang, kayo pauwi na (We are just moving on while you are on your way back home).”

Brillantes replied in jest that he didn’t want to be going home yet.

Each candidate spoke for six minutes on average with the commissioners questioning them on their political views, background and capability to wage a senatorial campaign across the country.

‘Enrile overstaying’

While the aspirants presented different platforms, they were united in saying that the Senate badly needed new blood.

“Why have elections if we’re going to see the same old faces?” asked Daniel Magtira, the self-proclaimed husband of Kris Aquino, eliciting applause from those present.

He wore a bow tie with a pin that read: “Sen. Magtira.”

Arsenio Dimaya, a native of Cagayan who promised to supply Filipinos with vegetables if elected, said he wouldn’t mind winning the Senate presidency.

“You’re also from Cagayan, like the Senate President (Juan Ponce Enrile) … Aren’t you afraid about replacing him?” Brillantes asked.

“There has been so little change in the Senate. (Enrile) is already overstaying,” Dimaya replied.

Someone from the gallery shouted: “Give others a chance!”