‘Sex and the family’

Mom? Where are you and Dad going all dressed up?” Drew asked as he clumsily tried buttoning his pajama.

“Honey, tomorrow’s our wedding anniversary! Dad and I are going out on a date to celebrate such a special occasion.” She knelt down and finished buttoning his pajama and fixed his collar.

“That’s reeeally cooool!” Drew said. “Then I guess after your date you’re both going to have sex!”

His mom suddenly blushed and her eyes popped wide open with surprise. “Honey, whe… whe… where in the world did you learn that?” she asked trying to control her emotions.

“I read it in the Dinosaur book you gave me last week,” Drew explained. “It sez that they go off in pairs and later have sex.”

“But, honey, that’s with dinosaurs and animals.” She patted his head.

She was just about to add something when her eldest daughter butted in: “That’s right, Drew! You shouldn’t talk about sex like that. You gotta wait till after college then you can have sex.”

* * *

Parents today can no longer seem to cope with the way their children are exposing themselves to the many noble as well as harmful realities and experiences of life. Many generations ago they only had to worry about monitoring how much time their children spent playing basketball or their whereabouts as they hang out with peers.

Now there are just too many real and virtual forms of activities (i.e., video games, mobile gadgets and various social networks in the Internet, etc.) that parents can no longer totally monitor them. Their task becomes more challenging when it comes to how vulnerable their children are before the deluge of sexually explicit mediums (e.g., ads, billboards, clips, pop-ups, DVDs, etc.). To these we add the easy access to pornographic and hate sites in the Internet.

As a consequence, some believe that a more pragmatic approach will “help the children” to wrestle against this vicious sexual environment. Instead of attacking the problem at its source by censoring, banning and removing obscene and immodest media, they believe that informing children about human sexuality would solve this problem.

Sadly, they do not realize that the education in human sexuality is not a mere modified biology class pointing out the parts of the human body. Neither can it be reduced to a romantic story explaining how babies come into the world because of love. Education of the person’s sexual and affective spheres, like all human realities, can only be understood and properly lived when their real contexts are taken into account. Taken apart by themselves, sex, affections and passions will be nothing but biological urges or emotional cycles.

Blessed John Paul II says: “It is an illusion to think we can build a true culture of human life if we do not accept and experience sexuality and love and the whole of life according to their true meaning and their close inter-connection.” (The Gospel of Life no. 97) The close interconnection between sexuality and love can only be fully appreciated and can only be oriented towards the person’s perfection when it is understood within the context of marriage and the family.

Within the family, sex can never be a mere biological urge that is seeking a selfish release. It becomes an anvil for forging personal virtues (e.g., temperance, sobriety, patience and understanding). This fosters generosity and sacrifice, which likewise help love to grow when everyone seeks only the good of the other.

Sexuality understood within the context of marriage also helps to nurture a very much-needed virtue today: fidelity. The fidelity between the spouses—not only in the marital sense—becomes a vital example for the children to learn how sexuality is oriented towards serving, diligence and a creative affection for every member. It is here that family ties become stronger and fruitful.

Finally, such ties that arise from fidelity and love help every family member to mature in their personal and social identity. The long history of divorce and homosexual unions demonstrate how children grow up incapable of properly grappling with their personal identities and social roles.

The plain solution of “sex education” may indeed sufficiently inform children about sex (e.g., including the consequences of the irresponsible use of their reproductive faculties). But it will not be sufficient to educate them about sex especially when it is grasped outside of its authentic sphere. If they cannot understand sex within its creational and vital space, then what can prevent sexual information from being a spark that will light the wick of their “untrained curiosity” and later explode into a frenzy of uncontrolled sexual promiscuity?

* * *

“Daaad!” Drew cried out. “Susie made Mommy faint!”