Who loved first?
I asked someone, “Do you love me?”
He answered, “I have always loved you.”
Then if I were to answer the same question, what is my answer, he asked.
I hesitated for a few seconds and he asked why. I said that it’s not for anything but I wanted to say something better than what he said. And he said that I always wanted to have the last say.
But I must admit it felt good. When someone tells you that you are loved, it always feels good. Sadly, some people find it hard to say the words “I love you.”
Many reasons. One, you don’t want to show too much emotion—wearing one’s heart on one’s sleeves, as they say. Or you don’t want to let the other person feel you have more love to give than him/her. Another reason can be you’re afraid to make commitments. Or you were hurt before and you don’t want to be hurt again. Some men don’t want to say “I love you” because it’s too mushy, too feminine. Or like some parents, they hesitate to say “I love you” to their children because they want to maintain that superior and disciplinarian status.
How is it that we find a way to ask a boss for a raise or tell a spouse we hate their outfit, but we end up tongue-tied when we try to say “I love you” to the people who matter most to us? We have no trouble saying this to a pet. And we talk about how much we love our possessions—houses, cars, clothes—without thinking twice.
Technology doesn’t help either. We e-mail, text or tweet in as few words as possible, many of which we don’t even bother to spell out. And without eye contact, or even full sentences, it’s hard to express our true feelings.
Maybe it’s because many of us grew up in families where love, while present, was rarely expressed verbally. I came from that kind of family. And while my kids were growing up, I rarely told them I love them directly. It’s even rarer that my siblings and I say this to each other because we didn’t grow up hearing this in our own family.
But I have learned that we must not play victims to excuses. Let not the past dictate how we live today. And let not the future shape what we do today. And so I make the effort to say the “love” words to my children.
Time is not forever. As the famous quip goes: “If we don’t say it, who will? If we don’t act now, when will we get to do it?”
We live in uncertain times. We don’t know what will happen tomorrow. What if there will be no tomorrow?
It’s not to sound morbid, but I want us to be realistic. God said in Matthew 6:34: “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. “
And because today is valuable, we need to tell people that WE LOVE THEM; not later because tomorrow may not come.
It’s important to say “I love you” because it removes doubt and reassures a person that everything is okay and there is no need to worry. A husband who toils daily without actually hearing these love words from his wife may get insecure and vice versa. I know actions speak louder than words, but expressing love verbally is a more special gesture.
Children need to hear they are loved often because it provides them with a sense of security. They may have done something wrong, but it is important for them to feel they are still loved.
Parents also need to hear “I love you” from their children because it recharges them and reminds them that every sacrifice made for their children is worth it.
Just as I felt good when someone told me he has always loved me, it is equally good for us to say it to other people because we know how it feels to hear these words.
The more we say it the more we hear it in return. Does it cost us anything to say “I love you”? No, rather it is one of the greatest medicines known to man. Hearing “I love you” heals so many wounds and serves to prevent others from forming. So, please remember to say it to someone every day. It’s life changing for everyone.
I watched this scene from a movie. The woman said, “I love you.” The man answered, “I love you more.” And before the woman left the room, she blew him a kiss and whispered, “I love you most.” Beautiful. Inspiring.
Before I went to sleep that night, I told God, “I love you.” I was imagining how we would make the same exchange of “I love you more” and “I love you most.”
But He put in my heart a different answer. He said, “I love you because I loved you first.” No need for “more” or “most”. More powerful is knowing that He loves us first.
So why then should we feel unloved? Even if the world treats us badly or we feel undeserving of love, remember that God loved us first. That’s more than enough for Him to continue loving us.
God is love, and His love was First. Forever. For good.
Such assurance brings us hope.
