I just had a wonderful four-day visit to Manila to see my two sons.
Last time I saw them was three months ago when they came home to Cebu and treated me to a relaxing overnight stay at a quiet, commercially unknown beach resort in southern Cebu.
Even if it’s been a few months or days, a mother always seeks out her babies (of course this isn’t the right term now).
It’s not a feeling-old syndrome (really!) when you have twenty-ish-old children, but it’s more of a reconnecting-mode tendency of any mother separated from her brood whom she will always feel a part of her biologically and emotionally.
I can’t even stop thinking of my Labrador dog Kaela whenever I’m away from her, so how can I not miss my children?
So when I saw on TV the rescue of six children in Cordova town, Cebu, from their parents who reportedly used them for cybersex pornography, I shuddered.
The children were used to pose naked before a webcam for a fee from foreign “clients.” And the parents reason out that there’s nothing wrong about being “pimps” of their own children!
How can these parents subject their own children to this outrageous act? Instead of staying together, they are now separated from their children who are in the custody of the Social Welfare department. And rightly so!
Again, I shuddered—this time at the thought of not seeing my children.
No matter how tight the work schedule is, the distance between them and their managing their own lives now, the parent in me still seeks them out. Somehow, I find time. More rightly, I make time.
I think that’s how love should be. For me, there are no other important reasons that can justify why one cannot even make time to be with persons they truly love, no matter how quick that time may be.
I made sure I am there for them. The commitment (or aptly, the word is “love” for me) intensified when their father passed away. I doubled up.
My parenting principle—be there during their firsts. I want to be part of their memories. When I’m gone, the memories stay. And that will keep me alive always in their hearts.
So on their first day school day, I shunned office work and brought them to their first classroom, sneaking a peep through the windows just to see how they’re doing.
When the boys had to be circumcised, I stood nervously beside them and they held my hand while the doctor did the routine procedure.
When my only daughter had her first menstrual period, I was there. No one can foresee this event. But God honored my parenting principle. He made sure my daughter and I were together when the major biological breakthrough happens to a girl. It happened during a woman’s conference we both were attending. Such an apt circumstance.
My children were 13, 12 and nine years old. In 1999, I got all my savings, booked them passage on a big ship to Manila and then came home with them riding a plane. I can’t forget their wide-eyed looks all throughout our traipsing in Manila and Baguio City.
Ten years after, I decided they should experience their first international flight—with me of course. I had been abroad a number of times and knew that one day each of them would have their chance to travel as well but I wanted to be there on their first international flight. We went to Hong Kong.
When my sons waited for their special girls to answer them and then got their sweet “yes,” I was there for them to tell me.
My daughter didn’t have the same openness to share love matters, but my motherly instinct knew she was loving someone. I didn’t pry. I just made sure I was there anytime she will open up.
So when the tears fell and the breakup happened, she ran to me and we both cried together. First love, first pains, first tears. But I was there with her.
One day, I know I am going to be the only person who will walk the aisle with them when they will exchange marriage vows. I pray to God I will still be around to enjoy this important “first” in their adult life.
I thank God for my work, for my social involvements, for my friends. But when it comes to my children, all these take the backseat—yesterday, today and will always be.
The trite adage makes sense for me—“If there’s a will, there’s a way.” Time is hard to find, yes. But one CAN MAKE time. Or else, there may not be real love at all in the first place.
Today is Father’s Day. I pay tribute to this other half of couple power. My children celebrates this day for me, too.
Though they missed their Dad, they said the vacuum was not greatly felt because I was there. So I deserve the tribute both for Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Nice. My children are my greatest cheerleaders.
I pray for all fathers to be able to MAKE time for your loved ones despite the work pressures and other interests you may have.
You are part of your children’s gene system. They are the fruits of the love you shared with your wife. So seek them out, too. Don’t regret the day when they have all grown up and you can’t even remember the important times you’ve had with them.
Don’t let anything separate you from them. Even if there are pains to bear.
Selfless love. Unconditional love.
From a mother. From a father.
From anyone who believes in love.
Seek out your loved ones. Now. No matter what. There may not be tomorrow.