‘I still want to live’: A woman’s anxiety, fear after COVID-19 symptoms pushed her to isolation

Art work by Marie Faro.

The name of the PUI and the hospitals she went to have been omitted or changed to protect her and her family’s identities.

Jane did not think she would become a person under investigation, or someone showing symptoms, for the novel coronavirus disease (COVID-19).

She had no history of recent travel to a country with local transmission of the disease. Neither has she had any close contact with a carrier. But on March 14, she manifested symptoms of COVID-19.

Today marks her ninth day of isolation in the hospital.

“I had sore throat and I [began] coughing dry, to the point [that] I [felt] my throat was bleeding inside,” she said. “I [had] difficulty breathing and I [suspected] I [was] having an asthma attack.”

But it was unlike any of her past asthma attacks, and one that her usual asthma medication failed to remedy. This prompted her to go to a hospital on March 16 to get checked, but only to be told she could not be accommodated.

She had to wait for two hours before she could be assisted. By then, staff at the hospital brought her instead to a tent where she was made to sit on a monobloc chair. But her search for medical aid didn’t end there. She had to move to another hospital in another city because of her condition. She could barely breathe and needed to lie down.

Isolation blues

The care Jane received in the second hospital was essentially what she could have done herself during her past asthma attacks—use a nebulizer. This time, though, she was made to use the asthma relief device every two hours. This was adjusted to every four hours, and when her breathing improved on the fourth day, to every six hours. She was also fed oxygen and hooked to an IV drip to stabilize her breathing. Health care providers checked on her every four hours 24 hours a day.

The first four days of isolation were difficult, she said. Apart from the loneliness she felt in being separated from her family, a short walk from her bed was physically painful, let alone using the toilet and shower.

“It’s lonely and you cannot [deny your] fear. What if [you’re] positive [for COVID-19], how [will] the people around you react? [Will] my family be safe alone?”

But if loneliness was what she felt on her first four days in the hospital, these were replaced by anxiety and fear on the eighth day of her isolation. She admitted she could not help but think of the worst.

She is a single parent with a young child. Her parents are both seniors. Her mother has hypertension, while her father is diabetic and has a history of pneumonia—medical conditions that, according to experts, increase vulnerability to COVID-19. Those worries did not include yet money matters. As each day passed, Jane said she felt anxious about her growing hospital bills and wondered if her health care insurance from a private provider courtesy of her employer and the state-run PhilHealth would suffice to cover the costs.

“When I reached the eighth day, I [felt] anxiety, fear that [I] might be positive, and worry because my bill is now skyrocketing,” she said. “I’m nervous. I cannot calm down.”

What helped her stay sane, though, was her only connecting thread to the outside world: social media. It seemed now, more than ever, was the best time to have a lot of friends. In her case, she was teeming with them. There were her staff, her friends at work, her family, her best friend, her friends from elementary, college and high school, as well as friends from childhood, who all kept her preoccupied while in isolation.

“It’s a good thing I have so many friends…” she said. “I need to fight this. Whatever result, positive or negative, I will still move forward. If I end up positive, I will still fight this virus. I will live for my [loved] ones.”

“If you learn you have a friend, family, who are PUI, please make a way to connect to them because it’s sad to be lonely and so many [thoughts] can enter your mind,” she added. “The anxiety and depression [are] high. Keep on fighting. A positive attitude will make our worries lighter.”

On her own mortality, Jane said being in isolation has changed the way she viewed it.

“[Every] second counts… and I realize I still want to live, to live life [to the] fullest and not just work,” she said. “[In] my current work I’m always moving fast, as if I need to do all in fast-forward. And [in] this situation, everything in the world [stopped].”

One test result down, one more to go

Good news finally came to Jane in the form of a negative test result, but not until after she had waited for eight days.

Jane was informed on Monday evening that she was negative for COVID-19 on her first test. Now, she is waiting for the result of her second test, which she was told could take three to six more days, to confirm the accuracy of her first test result.

“I can finally go home after the second test result,” she said. “My message to those who are PUIs: don’t fear, but face it. Have [a] strong heart to move and fight this virus.”

She said she also hoped that the Philippine government would give financial assistance to those driven to anxiety by steep hospital bills, such as PUIs, persons under monitoring (PUMs) and COVID-19 patients. As of March 24, the Philippines has 606 PUI cases, 6,321 PUMs and 552 confirmed COVID-19 cases.

Latest stats: NOVEL CORONAVIRUS UPDATE

Learning about politicians and other VIPs who got tested despite having no symptoms ahead of those who really needed tests, Jane has only frustration to vent.

It was reported that at least 34 government officials have lobbied the Research Institute for Tropical Medicine (RITM) to give priority to their diagnostic tests and that of their asymptomatic relatives, according to a March 23 report of Philippine Daily Inquirer.

The privileged few was allowed to take off the starting line before the gun fired while PUIs, those with symptoms like Jane, are stuck in the hospital for days anxiously awaiting their fate.

Gov’t officials crowd out patients for COVID-19 testing

“I waited eight days, some waited two weeks, [others] already died without getting their result,” she said. “This time, the government [needs] to stand to protect the people or else we will all die…”

She is now calling on the people to heed the advice of medical professionals and support the health workers on the frontline risking their lives to save people from COVID-19.

“Let’s work together, uplift the spirit of these people, because this time they need it the most,” she said. “Community support is essential [in] this crucial time.”  WITH REPORT FROM POCHOLO CONCEPCION

Edited by TSB