MANILA, Philippines?It was the kind of grief which Leticia Yap said she never imagined she would go through.

?This is such a difficult time, it?s very painful,? Yap said, her voice quivering. ?I always thought that a mother should not bury her son. But ? we cannot change things, we just have to accept.?

Her son, Jerome Gerald Yap, was among the four Filipinos killed in the Jan. 12 earthquake in Haiti.

The mother is trying to accept.

?A bishop friend told me that only God the Father knows how I feel because He lost His only son in a violent and tragic way,? she told the Inquirer.

?After he said that, I have been trying to convince myself not to feel sad anymore ? but it?s not easy.?

Last week, Jerome received a posthumous award from the University of Santo Tomas, his alma mater.

A Bachelor in Fine Arts major in Advertising Arts graduate of UST, Yap, 43, was given a Thomasian Medal of Excellence and a certificate of recognition for his ?exemplary life of service.?

It was a life characterized by the Thomasian core values of ?competence, compassion and commitment, steadfastly guided by the ideals of the university,? the citation said.

Yap was commended for ?selfless consecration to serve God and others to the point of losing one?s life.? A video presentation described him as a hero.

?Work with passion, love?

?We?re very grateful,? said Leticia, who received the award from UST Rector Fr. Rolando dela Rosa, O.P. ?But it doesn?t take a good man to be a hero. Just do your work with passion and with love. That is being a hero already.?

?I think he lived a good life,? Leticia added.

Yap?s recognition came at a Mass commemorating the Feast Day of St. Thomas Aquinas.

A member of the UN mission in Haiti for the last three years, Yap was killed when the Christopher Hotel where the UN office is located collapsed at the height of the quake.

Before working in Haiti, Yap, a bachelor, also served with the UN peacekeeping missions in Liberia and Kosovo.

From good times to sorrow

According to his mother, Yap, who worked for almost two decades with the UN, rose through the ranks?starting out as a messenger until he reached his post as UN executive assistant.

The video presentation showed photos of the Yap family during their trip to Bangkok before Christmas last year.

?We had a grand time,? Leticia said. ?Now, we?re at the bottom of sorrow.?