Thoughts for Nica
You can be anything you want to be and you are beautiful no matter what others say.
Don’t talk to strangers even if they say they know me or bring a message from me.
Try to eat something new, something green daily, and if you don’t like them, at least you tasted them once.
When you’re in pain, tell me. I will share it with you in a way no one will.
Be a lady outside but stay strong inside.
If you don’t get something you want, it may not really be for you.
You eat either rice or pasta or bread. Not all of them together.
Avoid loving someone exclusively so early. Enjoy the care and attention of many friends around you.
Everything has a reason and anything can happen in the right season.
If something doesn’t work right, it is what it is. See the good side of it.
These are 10 thoughts I’ve told my daughter time and again. I hope she can pass these on to her own children one day. While that is still far away (I hope!), I thank God for her milestones today.
Yesterday Ione (or Nica as we fondly call her) graduated from college. And today she turns 21. Yet some things have not changed. Here are 10 things she continues to do.
She still calls me “meh” (say it like a goat’s cry) not “mommy”.
She still loves to watch Mr. Bean whether it’s the cartoon version or not.
She still asks me to scratch her back when I touch it. She says it’s itchy but I think it’s just her whim.
She still can’t wash dishes without running first to the toilet. Whenever she sees running water, she has to pee right away.
She still makes the sign of the cross before taking a bath.
She still eats with her legs crossed “Indian-style.”
She still stops me from completing a sentence whenever I start rambling or complaining.
She still prods me to watch Ai-ai de las Alas and Vice Ganda despite their corny antics.
She still snores noisily like a tugboat. And don’t tell her she snores because she still denies it.
She still can’t sleep without hugging the pillow her Dad always used. This even if it’s been 15 years since he died. Never mind if the insides of the pillow are already exposed.
My husband died when Nica was only 5 years old. Since then we have stuck together in everything and everywhere. When her two older brothers stayed in Manila for college, the more she had no choice but to tag along with me even during company meetings because I no longer got a nanny after my husband died.
She got her own bedroom only when she was 19 years old. Before this, I had her always with me, near me, beside me, within my reach all these years. Now in her own sanctuary, it has become hard to make her sleep with me anymore. The only time she willingly did was when she had a bad dream. That dawn, she ran to my room crying and it was a great feeling to have her close to me again, wiping her tears and hushing her not to be scared.
And now she’s off college. I know it’s time to let her spread her wings and pursue her own dreams. That hurts more than not having her anymore in my bed.
My friends have been asking if I’m ready for the years ahead when I would be living alone. I tell them yes. I have my God who will strengthen me. I know that my children are not my own. As Kahlil Gibran put it, parents are just the bows “from which our children as living arrows are sent forth. And when the bow releases the arrows, they’re off in the air.”
I believe I have the strength to live without the arrows anymore because I have a God, who Gibran wrote, is the Archer and “sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so he loves also the bow that is stable.”
So as my daughter starts a new chapter in her life, I continue to thank God for the moments while she’s still with me. I may now be free from the financial burdens of educating my children, but I know my parental obligation will never cease. I will continue to guide them to a life that will please God.
The mother-daughter relationship will never cease. It will remain strong throughout life. Though we may still have times of conflict and we won’t see eye to eye, I’d like to believe my daughter and I will always have a special bond. The bumpy road between us is part of her becoming an adult at the same time a learning experience for both of us.
I will always be here, Nica, even if one day you will not have time for me. And when I’m gone, I will still be near you. My prayer will always be that God guide you by His wisdom, correct you by His justice, comfort you with His mercy and protect you with His power.
Congratulations! You made it!
Thank you Lord for seeing us through all these years.
