Zoo offers scorpion adoptions for Valentine’s Day singles

SAN FRANCISCO—Feeling the sting of rejection? The San Francisco Zoo is offering the chance to “adopt” a hissing cockroach or giant scorpion in honor of that special ex-someone for Valentine’s Day.

The zoo is highlighting two of its less desirable inhabitants through the adopt-an-animal program that usually raises money for the care of more cuddly-looking creatures, such as penguins and pandas.

“These invertebrates are aggressive, active, and alarmingly nocturnal. Much like your low-life ex, they are usually found in and around low-elevation valleys where they dig elaborate burrows or ‘caves,'” the zoo says on its promotion page for the desert scorpion. “Also just like you-know-who, when a suitable victim wanders by, the scorpion grabs the doomed creature with its pinchers and stings the prey … Charming.”

For $50 and up, donors can adopt a scorpion and have the zoo send a certificate and stuffed stinger to the person who inspired the adoption. The cockroach valentine that the zoo says represents “the detritus of your love life” costs $25.

“With a little luck, this generous donation will release your bad love life karma so that you never have to encounter a cockroach again,” the zoo said.