Forgive yourself
What happens if you think your sins are too big and too terrible for God’s forgiveness – that there’s no hope for you and you can’t even forget your own self?
Like this story written by a young woman:
“In June of 1982, I found out I was pregnant. I was 18 years old and two months away from college. My boyfriend and I chose abortion because we didn’t want to face our family and friends. We took the “easy” way out.
After my abortion I faced mental heartaches, shed many tears, and regretted the whole decision. To this day I still get on my knees and cry – asking the Lord for His loving forgiveness because I know I was so wrong!
I struggle a lot, wondering if God will ever give me a second chance. He is such a loving God and I believe with all my heart that He is God, and yet I always carry a conscience full of guilt. I feel like God has abandoned me and I get so discouraged because of the nightmare of my past. Does God forgive me? I believe He does, yet I feel this sin was just too great.”
Big or small, there will be things that leave guilty scars upon our hearts like things in our past that haunt us: adultery, homosexuality, prostitution, drug addiction, theft, verbal, emotional and physical abuse, divorce, lying and dishonesty, temper, selfishness, pride, irresponsibility, among others.
You continue to carry false feelings of guilt and condemnation because you were either the one who have caused these pains or the victim on the receiving end.
In the news, we often see a grieving parents cry unashamedly for the death of a child but at the same time express anger at themselves for leaving them in the house unattended or blame themselves for pressuring their child who committed suicide about their failures in school. The weight of guilt can be so heavy it can erode your senses in a major way.
When my husband went into a coma 17 years ago, I was frantic to see him open his eyes again. But when all his vital signs started to drop except his heartbeat and I saw how he would suffer after even if he did survive, I leaned over to him and whispered into his ears, “Dong, if you see the face of Jesus, hold his hand and you can go with Him. Don’t worry about me and our three children. God will provide for us. Go and rest from all your pain.”
After I said that, the heartbeat monitor beeped and I saw the line go flat on the screen. And he was gone.
After his burial, the guilt seeped in. Was I right to tell him to surrender his life? Had I not told him to let go, would he be alive today? Shouldn’t I have asked him to fight and live on?
I harbored these feeling for years up to the point of believing that God will punish me for this. I couldn’t forgive myself.
In 2000, I fully embraced Jesus as my Savior and with all humility, I poured out my sins to him including these feelings of guilt. I wanted to be free to live in peace and I realized that this can happen only when I forgive myself. But I can only do this if I go before God and asked for forgiveness.
God’s forgiveness is free for all to have. He is the only One who can truly cleanse our heart from guilt. The Bible tells this truth: “For He delivered us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.” (1 Cor. 15.1-4)
Approaching God’s throne of grace in sincere humility is our first step in receiving forgiveness. I did just that. I didn’t just pray but also admitted bearing a fault guilt. If you have committed a grave sin, make no excuses, and wholeheartedly turn away from the things that have broken God’s heart.
Today, I may be the boss in my work but I am no longer my own boss in my relationship with God. I have given Him full control of my life. I have discovered the secret to inner peace and healing – it is in Jesus Christ.
Today is Pentecost Sunday. May the fire of the Holy Spirit not only nudge us out of whatever guilt we still have but burn everything that stands in the way of seeking God’s forgiveness so we can all be able to forgive ourselves.
The Holy Spirit makes us see the miracle of God’s grace. It helps us walk forward in the wisdom and power of God, to get on with our life and not keep looking back over our shoulder. Jesus wants to use us. He loves us and He wants to see us released from guilt, forget the past and look ahead. Jesus is not only giving us a future but hope as well! “`For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, `plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.’” (Jeremiah 29:11)
We receive what we don’t deserve – forgiveness. We owe Him everything. He owes us nothing – yet gives us all. That’s what makes His grace truly amazing.
