Davao’s battered husbands suffer in silence

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DAVAO CITY—Battered husbands do exist but most of the time they just keep quiet for fear of being sued themselves under a law protecting women and children against abuses.

This was what the Federation of Gender and Development (FGAD) here has found out, said Rene Estorpe, its president.

Estorpe cited the cases of two husbands in Agdao Centro, where he is the barangay (village) chairman, as examples of how men—who tried to complain about abuses by their wives—ended up being charged themselves.

He said the two complaining husbands found themselves charged with violating the Anti-Violence Against Women and their Children (VAWC) law, or Republic Act No. 9262.

“The wives accused them of engaging in illicit affairs,” Estorpe said.

Poor husbands

Most of the complaints of the husbands against their wives were verbal abuse, although there were two cases of physical injuries, which prompted the husbands to seek help from the village council, according to Estorpe.

Some “battered” husbands, whose cases the FGAD has documented, also did not want to have broken families, which was why they did not want their cases solved by third parties, he said.

“Battered husbands want to keep their families intact for the sake of their children,” he said.

Estorpe said his group was not being biased toward men because they also had women as officials and members.

In fact, the FGAD vice president here is a woman—in the person of Fe Bargamento, a councilor of Barangay Mintal.

Based on the findings of the FGAD, the poor do not have a monopoly of cases of battered husbands, Estorpe said.

“They do not only belong to the poor but also middle income families,” Estorpe said.

Pride matters

Another reason preventing abused men from suing is pride, he said.

“They prefer to keep it confidentially. Men have their pride, too, and they do not want to come out publicly,” he said.

Grace Nuval, regional coordinator for the Gabriela women’s party-list group, said the issue of battered husbands might create an impression that men were being discriminated against under the law.

“(But) there is no such thing as men discrimination,” she said.

Nuval said that if men were being sued under the VAWC law, it could be that women wanted relief from the emotional, economic, mental and physical abuses they were being subjected to.

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  • generalproblem

    tanga naman nitong mga husband na ito. wag na kayong mag asawa kung magpapa ganyan lang kayo sa asawa nyo. bwisit na balita ito.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_VDMUJ6NKKCLWRMVMJRLJFI633I Rene V

    so get your act together and do some legislation to make a Violence against Spouses and Children Law. nobody is perfect… really

  • TGM_ERICK

    there is such a thing as battered husband pala.  Hahaha! and physically abused pa. Maybe the wives involved are physically mightier and bigger than them.   And another thing, these husbands love and respect their wives so much.  Swerte naman ng mga babaeng ito. Hahaha!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Smith/100002678496359 Martin Smith

      It is men who commit suicide 80/20, and men who died in almost all work related cases, the victims of violence are nearly all men, women but the government has concentrated on the tiny number of females who died in domestic violence incidents. These sort of laws are typically used by violent women themselves to get a better deal in divorce situations, I hope that you never feel the gross gross gross injustice of these laws and violent crzy women

      • TGM_ERICK

        But we don’t have a divorce here! It is a fact that there are more incidents of battered women than men but they are seldom reported for fear of retaliation or breakdown of the family. Women almost always kept their being aggrieved to themselves on account of physically weaker gender. I would not have that injustice done to me i’m a female and neither i would be violent.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Smith/100002678496359 Martin Smith

      If somebody attacks you with a weapon or at night while you are sleeping, and it is of no consequence, and the size of the woman. The sorts of women who are violent maybe have mental health problems, but most just are not getting their own way. My wife threatened me to be stabbed with knives, if you go to police, and which most men do not, then the police never respond and men have a big chance of being arrested. I all the woman has to do is to make false accusations. That is the problems when governments interfere with laws against only section of society, the false accusations

      • TGM_ERICK

        You have a point. Even men could do that to their wives. Solution then, couples must work out their problems. Trust in a relationship should be kept. Civil if not intimate and persuasive communication should always be resorted to.

  • raffyb0i

    *9gag moment*……WOMEN

  • Gurruod

    Depota

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/JERRIXDILGTSWZ43WTHPAF4RF4 Rodger

    Wala yan, di totoo yan. Anong battered husband? Syoki at kulelat lang mga yan. E syempre pag nagkamali ka, di  ma-iwasan na abusuhin de palabra ng misis. Trabaho nila yan. Tahimik lang para iwas sa gulo upang di lumabo. Pag ginulpe ka, abay batsi agad, takbo ka sa magulang mo, hingi ng tulong. Kailangan mo rin ng referee di ba?

  • dodong1

    mga batugan kasi walang trabaho at tambay lang tapos paguwing lasing aawayin pa ang misis na magtratrabaho kinabikasan…

  • ARIKUTIK

    Women are physically weaker than men. It is impossible for the wife to batter a hushand in any way except in the darkest moment of the night in bed. Women can last till dawn but husbands will curl like egg againts the might of the wife’s threat of dripping scissor.  

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Smith/100002678496359 Martin Smith

      You have a lot to learn Ricardo, I suppose you think women are sugar and spice and all things nice, but take a look at the photo parade of pickpockets on LRT, and one third are female. Men do not know how to react when a woman hits them, the most common reaction is to freeze and do nothing.. When I refused to by my son’s very expensive toys my lovely wife punched in me in the side of my head and said she would cut off my fingers in the night.. One day she hit hit me with a baton which nearly blinded me. She used to smash down the bedroom door where I was hiding, and this was mainly in front of our sons. I Ah but there is ALWAYS an excuse for female violence isn’t there?

      • http://profile.yahoo.com/HFYQYPW6MLJC7OLGLCJRS4IAC4 Regd

        LOL! You have serious issues with your wife! According to you, she obviously resorts to physical violence. There could be a reason for these reactions? A retaliation for a perceived injustice on her part maybe? This could get worse. I honestly don’t know the correct solution to your problem but to freeze and do nothing is a good start. We tend to preserve the peace, calm things and let cooler hads prevail, our immediate family and even the police can do that job too. I’m blessed to have lovely & caring wife. We deserved our wife, after all we married them!

  • MNLFoodcritic

    Di ko alam si Sgt. Tomas Sabaybunot taga Davao pala!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_DZNY6SZAXUMAXWXRABG7DW2ZFA Bad_wolf

    Should nagging be considered verbal abuse? :D

    Seriously, why does Gabriela assume it’s the man’s fault if a few husbands do complain of abuse? Fighting for a cause doesn’t mean you become blind to facts. Hindi pa nag investigate direcho agad conclude na abusado ang lalaki.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Smith/100002678496359 Martin Smith

    All modern research shows that family violence is 50/50 and one sided violence as mostly female driven 70/30. Males are stronger so when the 2 sided violence starts the woman is worse off. Chivalrous politicians and feminist false victimhood are the reasons behind all these sexist laws. Female violence often involves weapons, and stealth, and what is unique to them is violence by proxy, and lying to encourage men to beat up early, but boyfriends etc. In the west domestic violence definition has become so watered down that normal behaviour is classed as violent. Feminists now are seeking male logic to be a former of violence. Of course feminism has gone too far but the feminist victimhood is still being used to enact more anti male laws. In the west feminists get huge government grants and domestic violence has become a big industry for feminists paid for by mainly male taxes. Men are still being persecuted by the state, and sorry for these poor guys from davao, from a man who had a violent wife – ME

    • ethicsingov

       Mr Smith, I’m troubled by your opinion. Can you please give your reference on the research you mentioned? What anti-male laws are you talking about? What is your definition of feminism? Give examples of watered down violent behaviours? You are one classic example of a problem why gender inequality still prevail to this modern day: men’s bias towards women and girls. Why do you think men pay the taxes? Do you think women and girls do not have significant contribution to the economic health of a society? I’m sorry but I disagree with you, totally!

    • poltergeist_fuhrer

      feminism sucks….lalo na ang gabriela

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Smith/100002678496359 Martin Smith

    Did you read the attitude of Grace Nuvel in the article, please she blames female violence on men. Feminists groups ignore totally female violence and the fact it is women who are most violent to their own kids.. It is all hate mongering against half the population, and they want government handouts, and they must have more and more female only victims

  • http://twitter.com/gregson8000 Gregory Robinson

    Husbands have nothing to gain when they are assaulted by their wives…….but thanks to one-sided laws, wives can gain financially, status, win sympathy support, keep their children, legally be vindictive, gain many govt assistance………..considering the laws, its much better for the man to keep quiet

    • TGM_ERICK

       If that is the case i would go for having a divorce here.

  • http://twitter.com/gregson8000 Gregory Robinson

    And if the husband is a foreigner………….forget it!!………..just run!

  • poltergeist_fuhrer

    ano kaya masasabi ng GABRIELA dito???

  • walt723

    Just put some Cottons in your ears and problems solved…

  • Guest

    Perhaps we should also have a VAMC (Violence Against Men Act) to even things out. But why not just look for another wife. The same goes for women with abusive husbands. In reality though violence is more common against women than against men. Moreover, leaving the domicile by either man or woman isn’t as easy as it sounds primarily because of concerns for the children and other practical considerations. Proper discernment though rather than passion should be the main consideration for entering into marriage to avoid future complications. Falling in love can be fatal. Deciding to love with full knowledge of future complications in the course of courtship should be more enduring.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/VWUR4BEKFOAH2CSH72D4OMLGZA fe teresa b

    I just would like to discuss more on the role of MR GAD which stands for MENS RESPONSIBILITIES ON GENDER AND DEVELOPMENT…of which, i think davao city will be the first city to adopt this kind of intervention…we as peer counselors had undergone trainings on how to handle cases not focus on battered men alone but on how to help those  DOERS of violence on women and children…we are here not to condemn but help them understand their responsibility  as husband and father to their children…that they deserve to be loved and cared for , never to be abused…we are here to listen to their various reason as to why they have to inflict pain not only physically, for a woman can also be mentally,psychologically and financially abused…again as i had stated ,the peer counselors will be there to listen and will try to analyze why they can’t control themselves to hurt those they had promised to love for forever…maybe they too were victims of violence and were also traumatized …so as peer counselors  our main tasks then is to help these doers realized the need ,for them to discern and understand that being a husband and father entails a great responsibility for the relationship to withstand the test of time…and i would also  like to stress that the peer counselors will not in any way force all those victims of violence from their husbands that they be forgiven…it is for themselves to decide esp those victims who really want to pursue their cases of VAWC … MR GAD  is there to protect and look into the benefit of those victims of violence and maybe in the days to come we will no longer hear/ have cases of violence in a family.

  • pepengkabayo

    “Davao’s battered husbands suffer in silence….most cases are verbal abuse.”

    Dalawang klase lang itong Battered Husband by way of Verbal Abuse.

    First, BATUGAN AT TAMAD si lalaki ayaw magtrabaho;
    Second, Wala ng trabaho, LASENGGO at lagi sa barkada AT LAGI PA SA SABUNGAN, di maasahan sa gawaing bahay.
    Pagdating pa ng bahay, maghahanap ng malalamon wala naman ibinibigay na pambili.
    No Filipino Battered Husband….Yakusa lang at Under de Saya.

    Battered Husband….sa imong mata.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_AFDQQH2M3OD6ZGBJNJ34UZHIV4 Enrico

      Parang ganyan nga siguro ang sitwasyon…Mga househusband siguro itong mga ito…Pasalamat pa nga sila at di pa sila iniwan ng mga asawa na nagtatrabaho. Mga walang hiya, nakuha pang magreklamo.

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